REALLY?

That’s it. I’ve officially sworn off all television beyond Logo and the Sleuth Channel. It seems whenever I tune in, and let my guard down, my delicate feminine sensibilities are violently attacked.

Tonight, I watched fifteen minutes of an episode of VH1’s series Tough Love, a show where a bevy of “undateable” women go through a dating boot camp of sorts.
Each woman, given a negative-female-stereotype-as-title like “miss gold digger”(an African-American!) or “miss closed off” (code word for independent?), is taught how to act in order to “snag the man of her dreams.”

On this particular episode, the women were ambushed by an impromptu game show where they were quizzed on the prices of specialty items (the first being a tub of laundry detergent. Since when is laundry detergent a specialty item? REALLY. Does VH1 think women actually enjoy doing laundry!?!). Several times, the audience composed entirely of males, dissolved into cat calls and booing. When the host later explained the object of the game, he said that no (straight) man wanted someone who couldn’t support herself and instructed the women not to come off as gold-diggers.

And, while I agree that it’s good when a woman can support herself, I completely chafe against the idea that she should do so only to be considered attractive to the opposite sex (not even taking into consideration whether or not male is a sex to which she is attracted). Not to mention that the game show, the booing and screaming at the contestants, was completely dehumanizing. It’s not like woman aren’t paraded in front of the male gaze and appraised like that on a daily basis.

But, to see the “male gaze” presented so literally was really, really disconcerting (replete with an all male audience).

In essence, the message communicated was that a woman must change everything others (in this case, men) don’t like in order to be deemed acceptable (translated here as “date-worthy”): she must learn how to laugh at his jokes, even if she doesn’t find them funny. She must not appear intelligent, as not to threaten him. She must stroke his ego; ask for help even if she doesn’t need it.

And, for the short list of other double standards presented: If she likes sex, she’s a slut/whore. If she speaks her mind, she’s a bitch. If she makes too much money, she’s emasculating. If she abides by traditional female roles, she’s a prude, or a leech, or codependent. If she’s conventionally attractive, her body is considered public property, a commodity bought and sold and plastered all over billboards and, sometimes, “taken” by force; everyone wants “a piece”, and she’s expected to “give it up.”If she’s not conventionally attractive, she’s a “dog”, or a “fatty”; If men don’t want to “fuck” her, she’s disgusting, without worth or dignity. She doesn’t have her own opinions. She doesn’t think critically or deeply. She doesn’t feel pain or joy. She doesn’t have parents, sisters or brothers, or friends, or interests. She’s not human.

She’s just a woman.

I really should have turned the channel sooner for my own mental health; though, it was like watching the proverbial car wreck. I just could not believe I was seeing something so regressive!